See Jane help

Jane Kennelly is an amazing lady – and one to whom I owe a huge thank you – and not just for the breakfast.  Jane, thank you for listening, thank you for your wisdom, your honesty, and your advice.  Most of all thank you for not reaching across the table, smacking me soundly on both ears and saying “get over yourself woman.”  Something, I suspect, you were dying to do.

Jane and I met for breakfast at one of my favourite Auckland cafes – Mecca (seriously, they do the best parma ham with fresh goat’s curd and pears)  – so I could pick her brain. You see, I am having a teensy career crisis and Jane is world renowned HR consultant.  I admire and respect her enormously as a woman and as a business person: she’s smart, she’s funny, she’s honest, she’s savvy….and she’s very good at resisting the urge to roll her eyes when I am in danger of suffocating myself with self inflicted drama.

Ignoring my wails of “but I can’t” and “but I don’t” and “I’m not good enough” and refusing to take on my protests of “yes but…” Jane gave me two very good pieces of advice, that I’m going to share with you right now:

1 – IT’S NOT THAT COMPLICATED

Now for a drama queen, like myself (and yes I feel a title coming on: Diary of a Drama Queen – look out Bridget Jones….)this is bitter medicine. What do you mean it’s not that complicated? It must be that complicated – otherwise I would have solved the problem already. After all, I’m a smart girl – so if it’s not that complicated why am I still struggling with this?  What Jane didn’t say, but possibly thought, was “coz you’re making a big deal out of something that isn’t.”  Being a challenge does not make something necessarily complicated.
If I am absolutely honest about this, the problem is my career is in a bit of a rut and I need to do something about it. End of story.I have two choices – either do something or shut up about it. Really not that complicated….

I know what I want to do, I know what I’m good at – really I’m just dithering and you know what they say about doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result right? It’s the definition of insanity…..enough said I think.

2 – YOU NEED A PLAN

Now a part of me – the smarter part I suspect – wants to say ‘well no kidding, you needed someone to tell you this?” but the truth is, yeah I did need someone to tell me this. I need a plan. Just like I needed to decide what my brand is, I need a plan. Until I get a plan, I may as well keep spinning in circles while praying when I stop I’ll see a huge sign saying “over here, successful author”  - when we all know that what I’m going to see is “dizzy red head on the loose.”

If you have read been reading this blog for a while, you may have realised I’m not so good with discipline and planning. A year ago my BMI was nearly 50% – does that sound like someone on a first name basis with discipline and planning? Today, 50kg lighter and having just completed my first boxing training (and yes that’s a whole other blog post), I’m still not on intimate terms with either concept – but I am trying.  Really trying – so now it’s time to apply that to more than just keeping the house clean and tidy, eating sanely, and doing gongyo daily. Now it’s time to apply it to my writing.  First a plan, and then the discipline.

Every fibre in my being is trying to protest. There’s a whiny little voice in my head saying “but, I CAN’T” and then supplying a long list of excuses why I can’t. But I’m not listening, in part because  I suspect if I have to have this conversation with Jane again, she just might give in to the urge to whack my ears. Mostly though, I’m over feeling tired and bored with myself (hmmm, that sounds vaguely familiar).

So the first part of my plan is sneak up on the woman with the whiny voice and shove her in a very large box. I’m then going to sit on that box while I write – with Bruce turned up loud so I can’t hear her. If she does make herself heard,I’ll douse her with cold water until she shuts up.

Hey I said I was going to plan and be disciplined. I didn’t say anything about being normal….