There’ll be peace when you are done…


If you know me - or if you follow me on social media, which lets face it, means you kind of know me - you know I'm a fan of the TV show Supernatural. Unlike many who have been fans since the show started in 2005, I only discovered it in late 2015 when my daughter convinced me to watch it. I was busy with my second year of University and while I liked it - I definitely liked that guy Dean Winchester - I had other stuff to do.  She coaxed me back a couple of weeks later to keep watching and ... I've been hooked ever since.

This morning I woke up to the news that Season 15 will be their last. I knew it was coming. It's the right time to stop. And still I'm sad. Yes, I own all the DVDs. Yes I have the posters and the coffee cups and the t-shirts and the YT clips. Yes I will watch and rewatch the DVDs. I'm still sad.

This show and these guys - especially Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki  - changed my life.

Before Supernatural I was a fan of things - have I ever mentioned that guy from New Jersey? Yeah. I did some fannish things. We should talk about my Springsteen collection some time. But I kept that part of my life aside. I downplayed it - and for those people thinking I have an odd definition of downplay, think about how I used to talk publicly about Springsteen prior to 2015 compared to now. Then Supernatural came along. Because of that show and those guys I changed my focus in the degree I was doing. Because of them I discovered fan fiction and fan art. Because of them I discovered the OTW and ended up volunteering and now am Co-Chair of Communications. Because of them I started writing. And my world just blew apart.

Yes, you read that correctly. I started writing because of Supernatural, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Misha Collins, and all the rest of the crew. I'd always wanted to write - so badly it hurt some days. But I was too scared to. I was sure nobody would like it. I was sure it would be crap. I was sure I'd be A Very Bad Writer. Then I had to write a short story for an assignment and because I'd been reading a lot of slash fic (slash fic is where two characters who don't have a romantic and/or sexual relationship are given one. Kirk/Spock, Sherlock/Watson, Dean/Sam, Den/Cas - there's a long list) I thought I would try writing my story from the perspective of two men in love. That short story turned into the San Capistrano Series of which I'm now writing Book 6. And it's no secret that while the books are not fan fic, if Ackles and Padalecki were cast as Ben and Alex they'd fit my mental image of them. (Uh guys - if you ever stumble across this.... it's a compliment.) I wouldn't have found my voice if this show hadn't opened up my world the way it did.

Like so many other fans, seeing these guys grow with the show, seeing them go from Cute Boys to Good Men, Husbands & Fathers (who happen to also be very sexy) has helped me find my own place in the world. Because of them, I'm not so scared anymore to be myself. Because of them, I try to stand in my truth every day and if people don't like it, they can walk on by. Because of them, I take risks every day (not the jump out of planes kind of risks - come on I"m not completely insane) that I would never have dreamed of taking. Because of them, I have published 14 titles, with more to come. Because of them I've 'met' the most amazing people ever: Angie & Kate, Joelle, Janita, Jess, May, Leanne, Jessica, Vee, Talya, Viva, JJ, Tom, Jason, Wolfie & Kitty, Talya, Anna, Benjamin, Matthew, Paul, Christopher John... there are way too many to list but these people have made my world so much brighter. So much bigger. So much better.

There are people who will look at this and roll their eyes. They'll mutter about how it's hardly important, there are Really Serious Things in the world that need our attention. They'll say I'm behaving like a star struck teenager. Many of them will laugh and see this as a wonderful opportunity to tease. Some of those people will be people who know me, some will be people who love me. I'm going to ask each of you to do me a favor: don't. Just... don't. Of course there are far worse things in the world than the end of a TV show. This show helped me deal with those things. These guys helped me deal with them. What's wrong with being a little star struck now and why is there an age limit? If I was saving to go to the States and see Obama speak or painting my face with All Black logos for a game - people are fine with that. I'm saving to go to the States to see Ackles and Padalecki and I have a Supernatural tattoo on my arm - people find that weird. I see no difference. I'm a small time, working writer who writes gay romance. I'm currently completing a Graduate Diploma of Anthropology so I can do my Masters thesis on fan fiction and Supernatural. I am a million other things: friend, daughter, mother, sister, lover, girlfriend ... And I am a fan. And today, I am sad. Let me be sad. If you can't say something nice, move on - I won't hold it against you.

I can't thank Eric Kripke, Mark Sheppard, Jim Beaver, Kim Rhodes, Brianna Buckmeister, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Samantha Smith and especially Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Misha Collins enough for this show. When people like me say you guys changed our lives or saved our lives - it's not breathless hyperbole, it's true. You have had much more impact on us than you can even begin to guess.

The announcement that the show is ending came as no surprise. Its' the right time. It's the right thing to do. That doesn't make it any easier to accept.

Hi, my name is Angelique and I'm 52. I'm a small time, working writer who writes gay romance. I study Supernatural, its fandom, and its impact on how masculinity is portrayed in fiction media. I am a million other things: friend, daughter, mother, sister, lover, girlfriend ... And I am a fan. And today, I am sad.

Sam and Dean Winchester 10 seasons apart


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